LABELS
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do
not use while sleeping"
On a bag of Fritos: "You
could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed
on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread
Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning:
May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet
of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
SIGNS
Spotted in a toilet of an office:
TOILET IS OUT-OF-ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC
WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office: WILL THE PERSON
WHO TOOK THE STEPLADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS
WILL BE TAKEN
In an office lunchroom:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON
THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON
THE FIRST FLOOR
Notice in a field: THE FARMER
ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
Message on a leaflet: IF
YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS…
On a repair shop door: WE
CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR; THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)