A Tiger's
Tail Tale
This is a tribute to TigerHawk.
These are all original pics taken from the web. All I did was crop,
re-size and caption.
I admit, it took some doing.
Repeated requests to Tiger for pictures
of his youth went ignored, so I secretly appealed to his brother, Villy,
and squeezed their mom's phone number out of him. It turned out she
was a delightful woman, and was eager to contribute to my project.
In all candor, though, she admitted that the reason Tiger wasn't more forthcoming
with photos was because of his rather checkered past.
But we'll get to that.
THE EARLY YEARS
Baby's first photo!
Villy and Tige vie for Mom's attentions.
As you can see, Tiger was
a pretty ugly kid, but most of it
cleared up over the years.
Tige's first encounter
with a wild animal! This time, the
fierce bunny rabbit won!
Guess who won the next time?
Guess who
what they had for lunch that day?
THE COLLEGE YEARS
Off to college! A touching
moment as Dad kisses his grown-up son goodbye.
Tiger's homesickness is profound
and deep...
...for at least an hour!
Here's Tiger bravely adapting
to co-ed dorm life.
Being a natural mascot for
the Princeton Tigers,
here's Tige lounging about
with the boys in the
jacuzzi after a tough day
of mascotting.
Tiger and Cindy, his college
sweetheart. He's not
licking his chops because
he's hungry, folks!
Those wild frat parties!
Here the boys have hired
three professional strippers
for some backyard fun.
Nice haunches, baby!
Show 'em!
THE CONFUSED YEARS
Attempting to "find himself"
after college, Tiger spent
the next few years trying
out different lifestyles. This
outfit was criticized by
his Greenwich Village roommates
as being "too conservative."
This one proved to be pretty
popular, tho'.
Unable to fit into a normal
society, Tiger resorts to the lowest act of
desperation known to man
beast and joins a sleazy online dating service.
However, historians can see
in these early days the seeds of what would
later become one of the premiere
bloggers of his time. Note how he incisively
breaks the question down
into its integral components, focusing on the key
factor that one of the "qualities"
he desires in the opposite sex is that she
be "female". Good spelling,
however, was never his strong suit.
And thus began his dark foray
into the world of bondage.
THE BUSINESS YEARS
With "Beast Wars" the popular
rage with the kids,
Tiger tries to capitalize
on his actually being a beast!
Establishing what would be
his future blog motto, Tiger next ventured
into the world of online
game design, only to be shocked to discover that
game users don't have to
pay royalties for the characters they use.
Mr. Computer Technician!
And, if there'd
actually been any computers
around in
those early days, the business
might
have done extremely well!
Getting into the new "Wacky
World Web" thing,
Tiger was crushed to discover
that his "web mail" idea
was already being used by
something called "e-mail".
THE HERO YEARS
Bravely risking his own life,
Tiger saves little Timmy McCutchins,
son of John McCutchins, owner
of Princeton Savings & Loan.
"We were both just doing
what came naturally," Tiger later
recounted for the local newspaper.
In honor of his brave act,
local citizens honored Tiger in the next parade.
Historians note that this
moment signaled the end of Tiger's dark days.
THE ONLINE YEARS
The idea of a 'site mascot'
just
didn't sit well for some
reason.
Ah, but how to break
into the blogosphere, that was
the problem! The answer?
Simple! The oldest
answer in the book!
Flesh!
Plus, get your hapless brother
to post the lewd
photo so Mom won't be mad
at you! Brilliant!
An average day of blogging
as Tiger
goes after a New York Times
article.
Of course, blogging does
have its rewards. Here the lovely Chapman sisters send Tige a
sexy picture, inviting him
to 'get some tail'. Careful, buddy — they look underage to me!
TIGER AT HOME
Tiger gives Doc a hug
for the nice tribute.
Tige's a serious guy on his
blogsite, but around the home he's
a regular cut-up. Here
he is right after taking a match
and giving Villy the ol'
"hot paw" treatment.
The lovely Mrs. TigerHawk
consults with her cubstetrician...
...and the cycle of life
is complete.
Thanks for being there, big
guy.
|